abaya

Yup. I hate, hate, hate being alone at night, especially in our old house that was at the end of a long, dead-end dirt road, with neighbors several acres away, and trees all around. Growing up, every night alone there traumatized me. I have never been at ease in a big house by myself at night.

The other day, I had been up late working on a grant application and I slept in while my husband left for a work. A couple of hours later, I woke up and the front door was ajar. It freaked me out, though not as much as it would have in some other places (this is Iceland, after all--and there are only 4 apartments in our building, and another locked front entryway door, so it was relatively safe). He hadn't quite closed the door all the way when he left, on accident, so I had to remind myself that it wasn't anything more than that--our apartment is small, so it didn't take long to check everything out and make sure that no one was there.

I don't know how it is for other women, but when I'm alone, I'm always, always listening and watching around me (like when I'm walking at night) because I basically assume that I will be a target of assault/rape/robbery, as a woman. I hate having to think that way, but it's the only thing that keeps me safe. I also took a defense class and run through those scenarios in my head when I'm really anxious, to calm myself down.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran