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I can totally understand emotional exclusivity, which would put me outside the realm of most true polyamorists; I know my limit would end at the notion of having a deep emotional bond with more than one person. To me, that's the very foundation of a relationship - the emotion, the mental bonding, that more or less IS the whole relationship itself. You can't truly build two completely separate houses on one foundation.
I grew up completely distancing sex from love. I learned that, sure, you can have sex with people you love, but early on in my life, I was more likely to have sex that was just about sex. I'd watch a few of my peers interchange sex and love, and end up devastated when some horny teenager got what he wanted and ended things shortly thereafter. They earnestly believed that, because some guy said, "Don't you love me?" when she refused sex, that sex really DID have deep roots in love.
Thing is - sex is kind of the opposite of love, in my opinion. Sex requires nothing but a desire for pleasure. Sex is coveted and sought by all. You can't gauge love on the amount of sex you have with someone, or IF you even have sex. How would that even work? "I love you so much that I think I want to have an orgasm." People individually get too much out of sex personally, selfishly, for it to have anything to do with love.
Making sacrifices - doing things like staying awake with someone to nurse them while they're sick, helping them do household chores, choosing time with him or her over your friends. Those are all physical actions that more closely indicate love, in my opinion. Sex is probably the poorest indicator of love there could ever be.
However, if I were in a committed relationship and were able to have outside sex, I'd want my partner to be involved with it as much as possible. While I may want someone else to give me physical pleasure, it doesn't mean it has to be a part of my life I don't share with him. In fact, I'd rather it not be.
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