Quote:
Originally Posted by analog
She's a baby junkie. Good luck on trying to get her to honor the "agreement" you had about this being the last baby.
Remind her that she's got lots of mothering years ahead of her, and you already have 4 kids to love and watch grow.
Then, as soon as she is in an agreeable mood, get snipped. This way, she can't change her mind again.
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I've had a lot of experience with this. 8 male friends of mine in Tacoma were dating or got married. All wanted to wait a few years before starting a family OR they didn't want a family at all and made it clear before the wedding and were assured that was fine.
3 of the girlfriends got pregnant and all three guys married them (who knows who got them pregnant because they wanted to get pregnant so badly) 4 married and the wives were pregnant within 3 or 4 months - also after agreeing to wait and talk about it for a few years.
And the other was happy.
One of the girlfriends said after getting married - I'm going to have 4 or more kids and if you don't like it - I'll get them some other way and you will still be responsible to support them.
Who know how many actually did get pregnant with someone else - after all it's still 50% the womans.
There are a lot of women who don't operate that way but for these guys - all but the one were unhappy. I have lost contact with them all since I left the area but that affected my attitude and I'm now married for almost 40 years with a great woman that didn't want any kids. I'm extremely happy about that.
I've read over and over and over again on various forums that the women talk of punching a hole in the condom or getting pregnant outside the marriage or even RESENTING the husband the rest of their lives - and LEAVING HIM.
I agree that this is a very strong compulsion but there's two people here and if they make a committment they should keep it.
I advise the guys to get out while you still can. A vasectomy would be good but it might not stop the baby machine because she's still pregnant and you're still legally responsible.
I recommend against ever getting married - very few will be as lucky as I was.
Strangely enough - I've had a lot of women agree with me - but not most.
Thanks
MajorHart
-----Added 28/10/2008 at 11 : 15 : 03-----
Quote:
Originally Posted by Toaster126
I don't think there needs to be agreement. It's his body, and his decision to not have more spawnings... and it takes two people to make those kids.
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She's 50% of the equation and she can get pregnant down at the local bar anytime.
I dated quite awhile and got dumped because I wouldn't have sex with my girlfriend. She had such a desire for a "big family" that I was afraid to have sex with her. I also would not marry her because of the same reason.
I've read than some women go to a bar and say to everybody they meet - if you're not wanting kids or not right away - don't talk to me - I'm not interested in you.
I find that a total turnoff.
I also believe a man and his wife should be first to each other and the children second -in far too many situations it's the opposite.
MajorHart
majorhart@sbcglobal.net 
-----Added 28/10/2008 at 11 : 23 : 48-----
Quote:
Originally Posted by Average_Joe
Thank you all for your wonderful advice and personal stories. You have helped enforce my understanding how complex and difficult this issue can be. The advice ranges from "get snipped now!!!" to "your feelings could change, so wait a while before getting snipped".
Based on your suggestions, and my own feelings about this, I will continue to stand firm on my decision, and try to be more understanding about my wife's feelings. I think many of you are right when you say my wife is having trouble dealing with the finality of childbirth. I think addict/junkie might be too strong, but there are some psychological or hormonal obstacles that she has to overcome. I will continue to rationalize with her why we should stop, although being rational does not always overcome matters of the heart. I also know that as long as I veto this idea, I will win by stalemate. However, I would rather try to convince my wife to share my point of view.
By the way, I actually did have a vascectomy scheduled twice, but both times I had to cancel due to uncontrolled circumstances (an emergency business trip and my father's death). In fact, my wife made the appointments for me!!!! This was before the whole 5th baby yearning. How ironic!
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Good luck Joe - you might have to part. You're already giving up most of your useful adult life and another baby could tie you down for the rest. Most men have some things they would like to do with their lives other than raise kids - most of us would like to include our wives but many wives have no interest in anything else but having babies.
So consider that option too - you have but ONE LIFE.