dal, have you ever been diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum disorder? Because the degree to which your social interactions exist for you inside rigorously analyzed rule-based systems that you're somewhat puzzled about and trying to think your way through could suggest that.
Would it make things any easier for you if you knew that what you're dealing with is very mild Aspurger's Syndrome, for instance? That is, if there were a neurological and neurochemical condition at the root of your confusion about this? Might that make it more acceptable for you to be confused and uncertain in this area, and perhaps focus for you what to put your efforts on?
I'd think that over several years of therapy, that would have gotten picked up on if it were there, but still.
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