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Originally Posted by little_tippler
I find all this confusing. You're very self-deprecating which is not a good thing for you or anyone you're with. But then you also say you're very selfish, that you can see that in yourself.
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I don't tell her about the self-deprecation. It's not a big deal, I just feel like I can always improve. She's the same way.
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You call yourself boring and a bad lover, and selfish to top that off. I'm not sure how you've come to those conclusions. But if this is how you feel about yourself, how can any longterm relationship survive this way? You say you want to go back to what you had. What did you have, something comfortable to keep you occupied a part of the time?
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I came to these conclusions by looking at the reality of it. I am not good with sex. I am barely comfortable in my own skin due to my past being fat. I have lost weight since then and got some confidence, but I still have some latent issues.
That's what I'm saying, though - the relationship can survive because we've both been willing to work on it up to now. We've never had anything remotely close to this in terms of problems, which shows how emotionally stunted we are I suppose. We simply get along too well as two people to not be able to work on something like sex and romance.
Yes, that is what it turned into: something comfortable to keep us both occupied sometimes. This is where her biggest fear is, I think. She doesn't want that. She doesn't want "good enough". Neither do I.
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I find it very strange that when she kissed some other guy, you were seemingly okay and said to yourself "as long as it's not emotional". I mean, what?!
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The guy leaves today. If it were someone more long-term, I'd have already been done with this. It seems to me that she did this purposefully. I asked her, "what if he had been staying in the States?" She said that it wouldn't have played out the same. Her crush on him was simply because he's German.
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I think you're being way too much of a doormat. Girls don't like that. There has to be a balance. What makes you think you are boring, or not good sexually?
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I'm not emo. I recognize my own shortcomings when they come up, and I choose then to improve them. The problem is, I am so self-centered that I rarely see my own shortcomings. It takes a third party to point them out, and this time it happens to have been my girlfriend.
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You need to look at yourself and improve your life! If you think these things, it means you're unhappy with them. Change them! Start small and work up to being happy with where you are. Know what you want, or at the very least, what you don't want. It's not about fixing aything, it's about being comfortable with who and where you are.
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I made an appointment to sign back up for the gym tonight. I'm not wallowing in self-pity here. I am energized to make myself better for the sake of our relationship. Isn't that what it's all about? And hell, even if it does end up imploding, I'll at least be bettering myself regardless.
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You are so young...it makes me mad to see someone act so bored and unexcited about living life!
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Exactly! This is one of the things that is vexing her. She wants romance, she wants spice, she wants to see what is out there. She hates people, though, so I really don't see what dating will get her aside from a few broken hearts and maybe some stalkers along the way.
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About your relationship...I'd say you're at breaking point. 2 years is a usual crisis moment. I'd say there is so much complication there, and that you really need to look at your life and do what is necessary to stop being so...jaded about everything...I'd say time off would do you both good.
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There's an old proverb from somewhere that you probably know which says that in any crisis comes great opportunities. You could see the opportunities as us parting ways, or you could see them as us sitting down and talking about sex, how comfortable we are, etc.
Maybe some time off would do us good, but it could also perhaps be that too much time off has been detrimental. Like I said, ever since I graduated we've been on a weekends-only schedule.