Quote:
Originally Posted by levite
Probably not unethical, although quite possibly superficial....
Although I suppose it would depend on how much weight: an extra 20 pounds or suchlike is probably something a good relationship partner should just deal with-- suck it up. Gaining like a hundred pounds is probably reflective of some kind of severe psychoemotional trauma, and while it might be a bit more supportive and nurturing to stay with that person to try and help them out of the hole they're in, it would also certainly be understandable to feel unable to deal with that level of trauma in your relationship life.
That's my $0.02, anyway.
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I've been thinking about a question related to this, recently. Not about the gaining weight, or about breaking up, but... okay, let me just get it out there:
So it took us a long time to make new friends when we moved here. We were so happy to make new friends at first, especially other couples, that we didn't really care that much about what kind of people they were. We just enjoyed hanging out together and getting to know each other, as we were all new in this country.
One of these couples just got married, and it turns out that they spent $50,000 on their wedding. Yeah, $50K. This is simply unfathomable to me. We got together the other night and they showed us their photos, and it was all extremely fancy. I have never known anyone, in any of my social circles, who would have had a wedding with that kind of price tag. It kind of blew me away, and made me re-evaluate whether these friends of ours were really people that I could connect with. The use of that much money, for one day, just spoke volumes about their personal ethics, I guess... and that bothers me.
Of course, I can't really "break up" with them--we might be leaving soon anyway, so we won't stay in very good touch regardless, after that--but the question is, is it shallow of me to judge their character and "friendability" to me, based on how they spend their money? Is it more of a class thing than anything else? I've always thought that I didn't care if people were wealthy or not, as long as they didn't spend it exhorbitantly or flash it around a lot... and most people I knew, didn't. This is the first case I have seen where they really just threw $50,000 down the wedding drain--poof, gone in one day--okay, let's go buy a house now, because yes, they can afford that, too.
It bothers me, the way people spend their money. It signals what their ethics are, to me. Something along the lines of, "Where your treasure/money is, there will your heart be, also." My husband doesn't quite get why I am so concerned about other people's money spending--he is less judgmental than I am, and he feels that if people want to spend their money, then they can spend it however they want--but I decide whether or not I want to invest in a friendship, based on people's financial ethics. I am not a relativist when it comes to this. I think there are right ways to spend money/be wealthy, and there are wrong ways--and $50K on one day of your life, is not ethical in any way, shape, or form. I don't care how rich you are.
Thoughts?