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Chuck Norris does not wear condoms, because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once shot down an enemy plane by pointing his finger at it and yelling "bang!"
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light, not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris has been to Mars. That's why there's no sign of life there.
Chuck Norris once ate 4 turtles whole. When he crapped them out, they were all six feet tall and knew karate. They are known today as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood. Just never his own.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn just needs to lie the fuck down.
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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said
- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame
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