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Time Demands - Learning to Say No?
It seems that ever more frequently, demands are being made on our time that make the days seem to fly by at an alarmingly fast rate.
For me, currently my life is starting to pick up a pace that soon I think will be almost impossible to keep up. I am working full time during the week, completing the 2nd year of a masters degree (and currently I have classes and also my thesis to write), painting and trying to exhibit my art work, rehearsing with a guitarist to sing in bars, taking surf lessons, moderating on the TFP, doing freelance design work... I could go on for a while. On top of that I also live alone so I have to do most things for myself. That sometimes means getting home at 10 pm and still having to sort out dinner and lunch for the next day, taking care of my cats, doing washing, chores, etc.
The thing is, if I'm interested in something, I can't say no. For example, a friend of mine who is completing her PhD in Anthropology has asked me to type up her fieldnotes, which is about 30 books full of her notes on her thesis. She will be paying me, and I'm really curious to know more about her chosen topic of study, so I said yes. Well it's a close friend, how could I refuse? I really didn't want to refuse. But my time...
On my holidays, a friend asked if I could design a logo for another friend. No pay, but I like to help, and the work is interesting. So I did that.
I am currently considering adding even more to my list of activities. Don't ask me why. I just want to, even though it could kill me heh.
Sometimes I think I'm crazy. I must be! The time just isn't enough. This soon will result in sleepless nights spent working my butt off so I don't fail anyone or anything. It will be exhausting, but rewarding.
The problem here is that my body can't keep up. This past year has been similar and I'm worried I won't cope well. I have been feeling constantly tired recently. I can't perform as well or as much. I guess the less important things will fall away as I realise I can't do it all.
But I have always had this urge. For example, I work in an art gallery. It's an interesting field and I think I could do well in it. But then I also think I'd like to be a professional artist. Or singer. Or actress. Or...My mind is always racing and I can never settle on one thing.
So how can I find in myself the will to focus and just say no? Does anyone else have this problem?
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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.
Fernando Pessoa, 1918
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