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Originally Posted by elsesomebody
An idea came to me last night, sort of a strategy or technique, almost game, that will at least help with some of my problems, and steer me back in the right direction. I'm pretty sure some causes of my problems include missing "the chase", lacking newness, wanting to conquer the unreachable. I can see these causing my lack of affection for my wife, and too much affection for my sister-in-law. Something I'm sure I already mentioned is that I'm frustrated with our sex being boring, and not doing new things and positions. The strategy/technique/game is to overcome this (and the things that make it hard for her to open up sexually), using whatever means seem appropriate. Whether its candle light dinner, flowers, going down on her, etc, which nearly all would improve the romanticism that I know she's been missing. I'm not suggesting I buy her off with flowers or oral sex (I've already tried the latter  ), rather adding passion and romance that I can't help but think will carry over to the bedroom. I don't consider this to be THE solution, but I think its part of it, and its a win-win for both of us. |
This approach certainly can't hurt.
Let us know how it goes.
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Originally Posted by elsesomebody
Also, I guess I didn't mention this publicly, but only in private to abaya: She has asked, "Are you in love with my sister?" and/or "Do you like my sister more than me?" which I have denied. This combined with other things, makes me pretty sure she has a pretty strong suspicion. Everybody is a little different, and how it would affect her if she found out it hard to say. I think its something that would hurt her for a long time. I know her knowledge and awareness of my addiction to pornography has caused her more grief than it has helped me conquer it. If I can work through this on my own (with or without counseling), she won't have to deal with it. For now, I'm not going to bring this up with her, unless I know its necessary to overcome this.
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Thanks for bringing this to the public thread, as I think it needed to be mentioned in the discussion. I guess it all depends on the individual. As a woman, if I had strong enough suspicions to ask my husband right out if he had feelings for another woman (especially my sister), I would be emotionally prepared for him to say yes... because in my heart, I would know that it was true, at some level. You just don't ask those questions casually, you know? But sure, maybe she's different. Good point about the porn causing her more grief than actually helping you get over it. I think it's excellent that you are considering at least individual counseling. But if you go, are you going to tell your wife that you are at least seeking out counseling? (I can't imagine hiding such a thing, even if you kept the reasons private--but that's me.)