elsesomebody

I want to thank everybody again.
Don't worry no harm came from willravel's post. I do appreciate the fast that you guys care enough to give him a hard time about it.

I think the original intent of this thread this was, "I'm feeling something I shouldn't, how do I stop feeling it." I didn't expect anybody to tell me to go after my sister-in-law.
I feel like I'm in a much better state of mind now than I was when I originally posted it. There are two problems that are symbiotic (they magnify each other): a) feeling the way I do about my wife's sister, and b) not feeling the way I think I should about my wife.
I can come up for some reasons for both, and everything seems interrelated. I suck at being romantic, which could have let our marriage to fall into more of a friendship; at the same time, I might not have much desire to be romantic, if I don't have strong feelings for my wife. Not feeling "in love" with my wife, and wanting to feel that way, opens me up to fall in love with somebody else. My sister-in-law really is a special person, and we have had a fun friendship that would make it easy for me to fall for her. Additionally my wife has steadily gained weight since she was in high school when we first met and she was quite attractive; while my sister-in-law is still quite attractive. I also feel unsatisfied by our sex, which I partially to mostly blame on my exposure to pornography. (I enjoy the "end" greatly, but "act" itself I get bored with.)

There is a difference between what I want and what I want. I would never want to cheat on my wife, but I would love to have a relationship with my sister-in-law. Obviously I can't have it both ways. One way it makes sense to me is that I have different conflicting desires between id, ego, superego (haven't touched a psych book in a while, so I can't remember which is which).
The problems, a) and b) have existed for several years, moreso a) then b). I didn't know what to do about it, but hoped my feelings for my sister-in-law would go away. Not realizing any risk, I allowed myself to consider "alternate realities" or daydream of having an encounter with my sister-in-law. I think allowing myself to do this over the years, and not realizing that it wouldn't just go away on its own, has allowed the problem to get worse, or at least grow deeper roots.

I'm going to start by cutting back contact with my sister-in-law, attempting to distract myself as soon as I start thinking of her, and most importantly working on improving my relationship with my wife. In addition, I'm also working on defeating my addiction to pornography and working with my wife to improve our sex. I'm also going to look into getting couseling either with my wife or by myself.