Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - "Good" guilt--does it exist?

abaya · 08-14-2008, 01:03 AM

Thanks for all the replies. I'm not sure if I expressed myself clearly enough in the OP, though... I don't see guilt as being quite so neutral. To me, guilt does exist on a scale of some kind, with some guilt being healthier/unhealthier than others. Maybe this will help:

Bad guilt: Guilt that someone else is projecting on me (e.g. giving me a guilt trip) for something that I did wrong in their heads, but that is actually their problem and not mine. This is not the type of guilt that should "motivate" me to do anything, period. It should motivate me, if anything, to draw a boundary with that unhealthy person so that they cannot project their guilt on me again. And yet I still manage to feel guilty about these things (this is where family is usually involved)...

Good guilt: Guilt that I feel for something that I know I did wrong, or for neglecting to do the right/good thing when I should have. This is healthy kind of guilt, I would say, because yes, it will motivate me to make changes in my life, to either address the wrongs I've committed or to try and do more good, instead of standing idly by (in the case of helping world problems--which I see everyone as contributing to, even in very small ways, and thus I feel we are all guilty in that sense).

The issue, though, is that one person's "good" guilt can become someone else's "bad" guilt. Hence all the conflict over things like political correctness--that's something that I truly think deserves attention and respect, but many other people would see that as being my problem, not theirs--and so they refuse to feel guilty about being politically incorrect. It all gets pretty fuzzy/relative... but I feel like these days, there is a lot more justification for people not wanting to feel guilty for things, and it even ends up coming out in liberal/conservative discussions. I find that part of it very interesting.

As Will said--you can't force anyone to feel guilty. But a lot of social standards depend on whether or not people feel conscious/guilty enough to live by those standards, even if they don't agree with them--so we all have to agree on some form of acceptable guilt, right? In the old days, it was a religious text that would determine these things, and there was a forum to go and confess this guilt, etc. What do we use now to hold ourselves accountable?

08-14-2008, 01:03 AM	#8 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	Thanks for all the replies. I'm not sure if I expressed myself clearly enough in the OP, though... I don't see guilt as being quite so neutral. To me, guilt does exist on a scale of some kind, with some guilt being healthier/unhealthier than others. Maybe this will help: Bad guilt: Guilt that someone else is projecting on me (e.g. giving me a guilt trip) for something that I did wrong in their heads, but that is actually their problem and not mine. This is not the type of guilt that should "motivate" me to do anything, period. It should motivate me, if anything, to draw a boundary with that unhealthy person so that they cannot project their guilt on me again. And yet I still manage to feel guilty about these things (this is where family is usually involved)... Good guilt: Guilt that I feel for something that I know I did wrong, or for neglecting to do the right/good thing when I should have. This is healthy kind of guilt, I would say, because yes, it will motivate me to make changes in my life, to either address the wrongs I've committed or to try and do more good, instead of standing idly by (in the case of helping world problems--which I see everyone as contributing to, even in very small ways, and thus I feel we are all guilty in that sense). The issue, though, is that one person's "good" guilt can become someone else's "bad" guilt. Hence all the conflict over things like political correctness--that's something that I truly think deserves attention and respect, but many other people would see that as being my problem, not theirs--and so they refuse to feel guilty about being politically incorrect. It all gets pretty fuzzy/relative... but I feel like these days, there is a lot more justification for people not wanting to feel guilty for things, and it even ends up coming out in liberal/conservative discussions. I find that part of it very interesting. As Will said--you can't force anyone to feel guilty. But a lot of social standards depend on whether or not people feel conscious/guilty enough to live by those standards, even if they don't agree with them--so we all have to agree on some form of acceptable guilt, right? In the old days, it was a religious text that would determine these things, and there was a forum to go and confess this guilt, etc. What do we use now to hold ourselves accountable? __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran