If the First Amendment was absolute:
Quote:
16-year-old girl sacrificed to Baal
AP
Thursday afternoon, two men kidnapped Suzie Smith from in front of her high school while she was waiting for her mother to pick her up. Rumors that she was a virgin had circulated among fellow high school members for a week, and the two men, who believe in the sacrifice of virgins to Baal, determined that her death would grant them salvation. Under their religion, kidnapping and murder are allowed so long as certain arrangements are made with the temple leadership. As these conditions were met, the police have closed the case.
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If the Second Amendment was absolute:
Quote:
Shooting at local 7-11
Fri. Saratoga
Friday evening, 2 unnamed gunmen held up a 7-11 at gunpoint. They opened fire on the store owner as they were leaving with cash from the register when they were met by 6 armed police officers. They were taken into custody. On the way to the police station, one of the men opened fire on the police officer driving the squad car, as it would have been a direct violation of the Second Amendment to take his 9mm pistol. The police officer is survived by a wife and 2 children.
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If the Third Amendment were absolte:
Quote:
Local soldier evicted despite making all payments on time
AP
Local apartment owner Larry McDonald evicted Private Enrique Gonzales this morning, despite the fact that Private Gonzales had met every condition required to rent an apartment.
"He always paid in advance, was quiet and never offended anyone. He even helped his neighbor bring in her groceries," said Private Gonzales mother, Maria Gonzales.
When reached for comment, Larry McDonald explained that the Third Amendment gave him the right to evict Private Gonzales.
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I'll keep going if you like.