Crack you sound like me a few months ago.
First what you need to decide is IF you want friends or if you just feel like you SHOULD have them. There are some people out there that are happier on their own and there's nothing wrong with being one of those people if that's your preference.
On the other hand if you do decide you want some friends ... well it can be hard to make friends, I've found the most effective way to be simply going out and starting to do something, take up a new hobby and try to talk to people who are also interested in it, do a course of some kind and chat to people there. Both good avenues for getting to know people gradually.
I'm not the best person to ask about the validity of friendship though. I've been hurt terribly by people I thought were friends in the past and I have to tell you the ache from that never really goes away. At the same time I have a few friends where after a bad day I can call them and just vent or rock up on their doorstep for a hug because I need one.
Fact of the matter is people are people whether they're your friends or not. Some of them are assholes some of them are saints and the majority are in between.
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"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"
"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."
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