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What I do need your advice with is my jealousy and anger...There is so much rage inside me right now I can feel it pulsating in my temple. I can't sleep without alcohol, and I have a bad craving for cigarettes just for the soothing effect, even though I haven't smoked in 15 years. I was up all night last night, and went to bed around noon...slept a few hours at a time, and when I am awake this shit is all I think about. I don't know what to do. I'm sure counseling will help, but in the meantime I feel like I am just self-destructing. I just wish I could do something with this anger. Place it somewhere. It feels unbearable to have it inside me like this.
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Hello there, Prince. Is it possible for you to remove yourself from the situation for even a little while? A weekend perhaps? If not, can you occupy your time here and there apart from your partner, such as taking a walk alone after dinner, or something such as this? It might help to remove yourself from the environment for periods of time to give yourself time to breathe a little. Just a walk through your neighborhood is really good for this, for any length of time, even just to the corner and back. You can walk fast or slow, think or not think.
Another trick is to allow yourself a time each day for however long to ruminate. Be consistent, such as allowing 20 minutes on your way home from work to turn and tumble the situation round and round, and then set it aside. You could schedule to do this several times a day as needed. If you begin the cycle again remind yourself that you have already thought about it and you will take it up again at the next time you scheduled for it. This is particularly true at bedtime to help limit your sleeplessness.
i;m sorry for your trouble and wish you well.
Take good care.
Edit: If you cant sleep without aid, as you say in your posting, I might suggest Benedryl rather than alcohol. In addition, if you have a good doctor they might be helpful. If you cannot get to a therapist soon enough, call your local mental health helpline, or the one in the nearest city.
besitos