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I know you're a high school sophomore girl at heart, but that's out of bounds.
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What-ever!
Blackstone Merlot, it's inexpensive, easy to find, and tastes rich.
Columbia Crest Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon. Very low acidity, dark, slightly musky taste, but in a good way.
De Bouef's Beajolais Noveau. We get it every year, and every year a sniffy guy tells us that it's not a mature wine and not worth tasting. It's just a tradition with us. And it usually is pretty decent.
If you want something that makes you feel like an old world fuedal lord, eating your people's offering of nearly bloody mutton, and washing it down with gulps of in-your-face red wine, Bully Hill Meat Market Red. I'm not thinking refined experience here, more like if you would be the type to use peasants as foot stools. it's a gluttony thing.
Kind of off the subject but related, a friend gave us a bottle of Dom Perignon in return for a favor. We chilled it properly, got out the flutes, and found out that it tastes pretty much like champaign at half the price. Maybe we just have trailer park palates.
One wine I warn against: Papio. It has a monkey on the label. It tastes like monkey piss.