levite and xazy - just a favour? do you mind if you guys made life a little easier by translating some of those jewish terms? it makes for much easier reading. words like halakhah for example - most people wouldnt have a clue what that means - including myself.
interesting topic though.
abaya
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Spending some time in Lebanon (a relatively liberal country) and around ktspktsp's family, I realize that if I had been Lebanese and met him there, I would most likely not have been allowed to spend nights with him until we got married--even though his parents are quite liberal. Perhaps they would have been more relaxed because it was their son, rather than their daughter, wanting to spend nights with a significant other (an annoying double standard)--but I still don't think it would have been encouraged. Even when I came to stay with them for 2 weeks (long before we were married), I was not "introduced" to the rest of the family, and I don't think my stay there was made very public... even though I was an American and not subject to their cultural rules, in that sense. Virginity still seems to be very important there, especially for women--and not as a moral issue at all, but a financial/marriage/social one, and something that they are quite concerned about for their daughter.
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you are correct in that lebanon is quite liberal compared to other mid east nations. that is without doubt.
however that is not to say that the double standards non existant, in fact they are rampant! boys can do many things women cant. obviously virgnity is key and a loose woman is frowned upon in lebanese society, but for men it not as important because how do you really prove whether a boy is a virgin or not? you cant. so the importance of the unbroken hymen must remain with the females.
i did grow up in a relatively religious family in oz. but the further you are away from your country and cultue the more the family tends to hold onto the values and customs of the homeland.
religion for example - most people that come to oz from lebanon for a holiday visit are surprised to see how religious many people are compared to lebanon. fundament thought is spawned through isolation.
so anyways, having an american go to lebanon and stay with ktsp would have had you talk of the town. so in order to minimize all that, i dont find it surprising that the news wasnt spread to all ends of the Jbeil! the would have been aware that if news spread the whole Jbeil neighbourhood would be talking about you.
virginity is islamic circles is extremely important. its quite necesary, even in liberal circles. maybe its not from a religious point for liberals but from a social view and how people will view you. so being loose or sleeping or associating with men that are not related to you could have nasty stigmas.
in tripoli in nth lebanon where my parents are from things are a little relaxed. the more you go to the mountains the more the 'farmer mentality' takes hold.
as far as bride prices are concerned - its is still necesary in muslim families to have a dowry. its the islamic way. although there is the customry dowries where say the agreement is 100,000 dollars. the amounts are usually gestures and no money is ever exchanged. it is basically a 'gift' to the spouse and nott o her family.
usually the deal is that in the circumstances of a divorce the woman has a right ask for her dowry. these days due to inflationary pressures many dowries are agreed upon in gold coins so that if a woman does ask for her right, the 100,000 she was promised 20 years ago is now worth a pack of lollies.
i too offered a dowry to she-lish at the time of our marriage. no money was ever exchanged - although it is customery to say that ill give you a dollar now and the rest later if she asks for it(mit-addam and mit-akhar).
in saying all that i did meet she-lish in oz. yes she is educated and highly sought after in her field. yes we both have quite religious families, but imnot the type that will be pressured into whatever people think is right for me. being muslim and being raised in a muslim family doesnt really have to be all that. and while my parents are religious they are quite easy going. my mother stayed most of her life without donning the hijab, and has only put it on recently in the last few years since the Hajj pilgrimage.