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Old 07-24-2008, 11:46 AM   #46 (permalink)
Xazy
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Location: NYC
Quote:
Originally Posted by levite View Post
Sure, Xazy, Orthodox belief is not what I was describing. No question. Nonetheless, Orthodox attitudes, Orthodox intepretations, Orthodox halakhah has all changed with time. Once upon a time, yikhud (leaving the bride and groom alone together for a bit, with witnesses) was absolutely intended for their consummation of the marriage, so that people would still be around to witness if the groom had to protest the bride not being as she was promised (either not a virgin, or with an undeclared physical defect, or under undeclared vows, etc.), and nobody actually consummates the marriage at yikhud anymore-- nor is expected to, since it is now universally presumed no groom will object to his bride's status, since they will know each other well and intimately by the time they get married. Most of my Modern Orthodox friends who've gotten married have not married virgins or been virgins, and everybody just kind of pretends to not hear or understand the references in the ketubah (deed of marriage) to the woman being a virgin.

I think maybe the words will stick around for a long time in Orthodoxy, but sooner or later, the Talmudic presumption of the daughters of Israel to all be virgins will be, practically speaking, the openly acknowledged legal fiction that it always was.

My point wasn't to say that what I was describing accurately reflected the views of all or most Jews-- it doesn't. But I believe it to be true, and I believe that sooner or later, it will reflect the views of many if not most Jews. Religions change. They adapt, and evolve, or they die. In Judaism, that means that halakhah evolves, and our understanding of Torah evolves. I think it will evolve toward an open acceptance of the beauty and holiness of sexuality-- the Shir Hashirim (Song of Songs) approach, if you will. I hope in Christianity, there will be an analogous evolution toward the same place. I think it's important, and I think the OP should not wait for his religion's scriptural understanding to catch up, but should follow that Song of Songs approach to sexuality now, with the understanding that if we are all wrong about this, God will forgive what is done with good intentions.
Sorry but I can say that in modern orthodox that it depends on the people. Yes I know friends who had sex before marriage, I also know a lot of people who did not including 3 people from high school who only just got married and are in their mid 30s. As far as no sex in the yichud room, I have stood witness 3 times, and I know something went down at least in 2 of the times. And I have 2 other friends who had sex in the yichud room.

The other point for me is to me an orthodox Jew is one who follows certain values, just because you wear a yamulka and talk the talk that only means you do not want to embarrass (shame) yourself or your family it is if you walk the walk too that makes you an orthodox Jew.

Do I think G-d is forgiving, yes but only if you mean and ask for forgiveness, and not if you do a sin on purpose with the knowledge in your heart that you will repeat the same sin. How he will taly your life in the end and judge you and calculate all that is beyond our understanding, but that does not mean we should go out and sin. While Jewish belief in certain aspects change it is trying to figure out for instance how does electric work in regards to the laws of Shabbos, with someone in a coma when is he dead, can you pull the plug. That is an evolution of Judiasm of taking today world and seeing how it fits and works, and that is something you need to ask a Rabbi like Rev Feinstein.

I can not say that I do not sin, nor can I say that physical temptation does not make Orthodox or any person give in, but that does not say that by religeous value it is acceptable, it is not. As far as the Kesubah goes, I know of many questions that have gone to a few different Rabbis about circumstances, and that is not very simple. Which is why most Ruv will not be Mesadir Kiddushin (lead the services of the wedding) without studying at least 3-4 month to prepare, or have already prepared before and do a review.

And to say G-d commandment, the torah can change in regards to sex, is to say that maybe next year we can have pork. (NO cynthetiq I do not believe that so do not bring it over in a year from today).

Last edited by Xazy; 07-24-2008 at 11:50 AM..
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