Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

Mortons · 07-24-2008, 11:18 AM

This thread compelled me to join the tfp. Why? Well, I guess we shall see.

My wife and I (married for 10 years, august 2nd) both were raised 'in the church' but never took our 'faith' seriously. She and I both became what one might call 'radical Christians' in college. While neither of us were virgins, we both wanted to wait again. until married. Well, our reasons for waiting were so closely tied to our perception of our 'faith', that when we 'failed to wait', we carried a burden of guilt that was difficult to let go. We lived in fear of "God's" wrath because we were physically intimate. But, it was the FEAR that really caused us trouble. We were married 6 months after our first sexual encounter. We had sex through all the worry and guilt during our engagement. At times, we would shed tears because we 'knew' it was wrong, but couldn't keep apart.

Fast forward 6 years of marriage (and 3 kids later), that guilt no longer plagues us as it once did. No longer are there questions. We grew up emotionally, spiritually. Looking back, we don't know why we were so troubled and we now wished we weren't and could have enjoyed those times more. Now at soon to be 10 years, we have become more 'universal' in our spirituallity, and have alot more freedom than ever before.

If your decisions are based on fear, then I urge you to re-evaluate your position and the reason for your fear. If you were to have sex with this lady, you may have regrets for some time to come, you may not. Everyone is different. But if you don't want the risk of having the regret, then hold off on it. I don't remember hearing from anyone that chose to wait that they regretted waiting.

While it is just 'sex' to some, it does have different meaning to different people. To some people, it is abstract and spiritual, others it is physical or emotional. Many people experience each of these at different times. But one thing you should never feel is guilt or shame about it. IF you do, you rob yourself of the simple joys life can provide.

My advice, figure out how you will be free from fear first before you decide which way you want to go.

07-24-2008, 11:18 AM	#45 (permalink)
Mortons Upright	This thread compelled me to join the tfp. Why? Well, I guess we shall see. My wife and I (married for 10 years, august 2nd) both were raised 'in the church' but never took our 'faith' seriously. She and I both became what one might call 'radical Christians' in college. While neither of us were virgins, we both wanted to wait again. until married. Well, our reasons for waiting were so closely tied to our perception of our 'faith', that when we 'failed to wait', we carried a burden of guilt that was difficult to let go. We lived in fear of "God's" wrath because we were physically intimate. But, it was the FEAR that really caused us trouble. We were married 6 months after our first sexual encounter. We had sex through all the worry and guilt during our engagement. At times, we would shed tears because we 'knew' it was wrong, but couldn't keep apart. Fast forward 6 years of marriage (and 3 kids later), that guilt no longer plagues us as it once did. No longer are there questions. We grew up emotionally, spiritually. Looking back, we don't know why we were so troubled and we now wished we weren't and could have enjoyed those times more. Now at soon to be 10 years, we have become more 'universal' in our spirituallity, and have alot more freedom than ever before. If your decisions are based on fear, then I urge you to re-evaluate your position and the reason for your fear. If you were to have sex with this lady, you may have regrets for some time to come, you may not. Everyone is different. But if you don't want the risk of having the regret, then hold off on it. I don't remember hearing from anyone that chose to wait that they regretted waiting. While it is just 'sex' to some, it does have different meaning to different people. To some people, it is abstract and spiritual, others it is physical or emotional. Many people experience each of these at different times. But one thing you should never feel is guilt or shame about it. IF you do, you rob yourself of the simple joys life can provide. My advice, figure out how you will be free from fear first before you decide which way you want to go.