Originally Posted by levite

I think most people here know I value religion very much-- being a rabbinical student, I could hardly do otherwise.

Bearing that in mind, I do not believe that God expects people to remain virgins until they are married. Nor do I believe there is anything inherently pure or worthy in virginity.

Talmudic Judaism certainly did teach that women should remain virgins until marriage, but I am of the opinion that this would have been phased out of Judaism had it not been for the sexual mores of Christian society influencing Judaism. For Biblical and Talmudic Judaism, the issue with female virginity was not moral, but financial: in ancient Near Eastern society, a virgin commanded a higher bride-price than a non-virgin, and males in that society tended to fetishize virginity. The Bible and the Talmud are primarily concerned that a non-virgin might misrepresent herself as a virgin, thus swindling a husband out of a bride-price to which she is not legally entitled. Morality was not the primary issue for women's virginity, and there was no expectation that a man be a virgin until his marriage in Judaism-- not until the modern era and the advent of post-Enlightenment Orthodoxy. The Bible and the Talmud worry about morality when it comes to forbidden sexual relations (incest, adultery, bestiality, sex as part of idolatry, and possibly, male-on-male anal intercourse).

I understand that Christianity sees things differently. But this is an area in which I have problems with Christian teachings. I tend to believe that repression of one's sexuality is damaging, and that God does not wish us to damage ourselves. I also believe that there is a reason that sex feels good-- beyond mere evolutionary advantages-- and a reason that sex engenders sharing, caring, and intimacy. I do not believe that God would have created us with this capacity if we were not intended to use it, or if it were somehow shameful in and of itself.

We are taught that human beings are created in the image of God. This is not a literalism (God, obviously, has no physical form at all, let alone a humanoid shape), but a reference to free will, creative thought, reason, and the ability to love. I believe part and parcel of this is the human ability to take joy in one another. I think sex can be holy and beautiful, and not just within the context of religious marriage. I personally believe that the sound of a woman having a screaming orgasm is the closest thing we can generally hear to the sound of angels. I think that when your eyes meet your lover's at the moment of climax, joined literally at the hip, there really is an open window into your lover's soul.

I think you should try to let go of the idea that God wants you to be a virgin. I think you should have sex with your girlfriend, and enjoy it, and find the beauty and the truth and the sanctity in the act of love.

Remember, there are an infinite number of ways to interpret Scripture; but our time on this Earth is limited, and we miss a central experience of this world if we do not take our chances to delve into other people.

And if I'm wrong?

God is infinitely forgiving.