Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Reproductive donation

girldetective · 07-21-2008, 08:11 PM

This is another one of those loopy, but true turns that has presented itself in my current life. How bizarre life is once you begin to live it. Its fab and I love it.

Mary is getting married next yr and will want to have children in 3-5 yrs, she thinks maybe. If she decides she does indeed want to conceive, she will need to be inseminated in a planful way, using a donor unknown or known, artificially or naturally (her partner is not an option in the dept of sperm donoring).

i was telling her that my friend J wants to have a child and that he mentioned just in passing that he could be her donor. At first I was surprised and dismayed to hear him say this and coasted right over the subject with nary another word. Then when thinking more about it I saw many advantages for everyone involved - the child, Mary, her partner, and J, with the most benefits for J, Mary, and the child. The person who would lose out the most would be her partner in that he would want to be able to legally adopt the child as his own, but I know that J could not stand that and it would invalidate the goal of leaving his child his inheritance, as well as possibly deprive him of the pleasure of actively co-fathering said child.

(Edit: I should add here in re above, that the Mary, her partner, and the child would have about $1 mil as a result of this, and that J would probably be in their life some way anyway, sperm donor or not. It sounds distasteful, but think about it.)

In the midst of this convo Mary mentioned that sometime in the past she was throwing her hat into the egg donor ring when the last page of the contract gave her pause. It asked if she would want visitation with any children conceived with her eggs. She stopped the process right then and there. I asked her why and she said she didnt know what she thought of this and just couldnt think about it.

Im not sure but I think it might be hard for me not to feel a little parental toward a child who I knew was conceived with my egg. But if it were a stranger, Id say have at it.

07-21-2008, 08:11 PM	#1 (permalink)
girldetective sufferable	Reproductive donation - Black, white or gray? This is another one of those loopy, but true turns that has presented itself in my current life. How bizarre life is once you begin to live it. Its fab and I love it. Mary is getting married next yr and will want to have children in 3-5 yrs, she thinks maybe. If she decides she does indeed want to conceive, she will need to be inseminated in a planful way, using a donor unknown or known, artificially or naturally (her partner is not an option in the dept of sperm donoring). i was telling her that my friend J wants to have a child and that he mentioned just in passing that he could be her donor. At first I was surprised and dismayed to hear him say this and coasted right over the subject with nary another word. Then when thinking more about it I saw many advantages for everyone involved - the child, Mary, her partner, and J, with the most benefits for J, Mary, and the child. The person who would lose out the most would be her partner in that he would want to be able to legally adopt the child as his own, but I know that J could not stand that and it would invalidate the goal of leaving his child his inheritance, as well as possibly deprive him of the pleasure of actively co-fathering said child. (Edit: I should add here in re above, that the Mary, her partner, and the child would have about $1 mil as a result of this, and that J would probably be in their life some way anyway, sperm donor or not. It sounds distasteful, but think about it.) In the midst of this convo Mary mentioned that sometime in the past she was throwing her hat into the egg donor ring when the last page of the contract gave her pause. It asked if she would want visitation with any children conceived with her eggs. She stopped the process right then and there. I asked her why and she said she didnt know what she thought of this and just couldnt think about it. Im not sure but I think it might be hard for me not to feel a little parental toward a child who I knew was conceived with my egg. But if it were a stranger, Id say have at it. __________________ As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata Last edited by girldetective; 07-21-2008 at 08:57 PM..