Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

saffire · 07-16-2008, 06:49 PM

Since childhood I was always overweight and struggled with dieting. I would diet and lose 10 or 20 pounds, only to gain it back and add on a few more pounds over the years. My entire life was spent thinking about food and anticipating the next meal or snack that I was going to eat. I hated myself for the lack of self-control that I had when it came to eating. I ate when I was happy, I ate to celebrate, I ate when I was sad, I ate when I was depressed, I ate when I was angry, I ate when I was hungry and I ate when I was not.

Over the years I ballooned to over 250 pounds and continued to try diets that would give me short term success. In 2006, at age 36, my weight started impacting my health in a serious way. I developed sleep apnea, my feet began swelling, I was unable to climb a flight of stairs without becoming winded and my primary care physician told me I was on the fast track to diabetes. I had chronic fatigue, severe depression and not only low self esteem, but a severe self loathing. It impacted not only me, but my family as well. I was unable to do activities with my family because of my size and my inability to be active. My low self esteem and depression caused huge rifts in my marriage. I was not living, only existing. I felt hopeless.

In addition to all of the negativity I placed on myself, I felt judged and condemned both socially and professionally. Going out in public, I saw the stares people gave me and the judgment that was passed on me in glances. In the professional environment, co-workers and colleagues would do the same. I felt that based on my appearance alone they thought I was lazy, unmotivated, sloppy and uncaring. This was not the person I felt I was inside. I felt trapped in a shell that was nothing like who I was.

In 2007, as I packed on another 55 pounds, bringing me to a whopping 305 pounds, I decided I could not and did not want to live this way any longer and began exploring the options of weight loss surgery. I was looking at having to lose more than 150 pounds. After researching weight loss surgery options, I discussed the options with my husband, who was supportive and adamant that I only take this step if I was doing it for myself. I decided to schedule a consultation with you to find out if I was a candidate for the gastric bypass surgery.

At my consultation, I was comforted to find out that my doctor also had gastric bypass surgery and could identify with the struggles of dieting, the judgments people make and the negative self image I had developed.

I decided to have the gastric bypass surgery because I wanted a permanent, lifelong solution to the eating problems I had faced my entire lifetime. I had my surgery in December 2007.

Now that a little more than six months has passed since my surgery, I am living a totally different life. I have lost a little more than 100 pounds. I no longer need a breathing machine to sleep at night. One month after my surgery, my feet stopped swelling. I am able to be active with my family. I enjoy foods that I never did before and I don’t miss the junk I was eating one bit. I now enjoy exercising and look forward to it. I take pride in my appearance where I did not before. I have recovered from my deep depression and like the person that I am now. My relationships personally and professionally have improved by leaps and bounds. And, I can finally cross my legs when I am sitting—something I have not been able to do in more than 10 years. I feel like I have been given a new chance at life—an active and exciting one!

07-16-2008, 06:49 PM	#58 (permalink)
saffire Upright	Since childhood I was always overweight and struggled with dieting. I would diet and lose 10 or 20 pounds, only to gain it back and add on a few more pounds over the years. My entire life was spent thinking about food and anticipating the next meal or snack that I was going to eat. I hated myself for the lack of self-control that I had when it came to eating. I ate when I was happy, I ate to celebrate, I ate when I was sad, I ate when I was depressed, I ate when I was angry, I ate when I was hungry and I ate when I was not. Over the years I ballooned to over 250 pounds and continued to try diets that would give me short term success. In 2006, at age 36, my weight started impacting my health in a serious way. I developed sleep apnea, my feet began swelling, I was unable to climb a flight of stairs without becoming winded and my primary care physician told me I was on the fast track to diabetes. I had chronic fatigue, severe depression and not only low self esteem, but a severe self loathing. It impacted not only me, but my family as well. I was unable to do activities with my family because of my size and my inability to be active. My low self esteem and depression caused huge rifts in my marriage. I was not living, only existing. I felt hopeless. In addition to all of the negativity I placed on myself, I felt judged and condemned both socially and professionally. Going out in public, I saw the stares people gave me and the judgment that was passed on me in glances. In the professional environment, co-workers and colleagues would do the same. I felt that based on my appearance alone they thought I was lazy, unmotivated, sloppy and uncaring. This was not the person I felt I was inside. I felt trapped in a shell that was nothing like who I was. In 2007, as I packed on another 55 pounds, bringing me to a whopping 305 pounds, I decided I could not and did not want to live this way any longer and began exploring the options of weight loss surgery. I was looking at having to lose more than 150 pounds. After researching weight loss surgery options, I discussed the options with my husband, who was supportive and adamant that I only take this step if I was doing it for myself. I decided to schedule a consultation with you to find out if I was a candidate for the gastric bypass surgery. At my consultation, I was comforted to find out that my doctor also had gastric bypass surgery and could identify with the struggles of dieting, the judgments people make and the negative self image I had developed. I decided to have the gastric bypass surgery because I wanted a permanent, lifelong solution to the eating problems I had faced my entire lifetime. I had my surgery in December 2007. Now that a little more than six months has passed since my surgery, I am living a totally different life. I have lost a little more than 100 pounds. I no longer need a breathing machine to sleep at night. One month after my surgery, my feet stopped swelling. I am able to be active with my family. I enjoy foods that I never did before and I don’t miss the junk I was eating one bit. I now enjoy exercising and look forward to it. I take pride in my appearance where I did not before. I have recovered from my deep depression and like the person that I am now. My relationships personally and professionally have improved by leaps and bounds. And, I can finally cross my legs when I am sitting—something I have not been able to do in more than 10 years. I feel like I have been given a new chance at life—an active and exciting one!