genuinegirly

I have quite a different feeling regarding these places.

When I was a child, my grandmother was quite lost to dimentia. My mother would take me often to visit the nursing home where she stayed. Twice a week, or more. We would sit in the courtyard, surrounded by roses. Grandma wasn't conversant through most of it - she'd sit there in her chair smiling, staring off into space while my mom and aunt chit-chatted and exchanged photographs of the kids. I loved that rose garden. I loved the nursing home. I was quite young and jubilant every time I got to see grandma. The staff smiled when they saw me coming, said I was a ray of sunshine and wished kids would come more often. Eventually her heath progressed to the point where she was bed-ridden. She no longer smiled the whole time we were there. I had to stand right in front of her face when I'd visit, she'd smile, then stare off again. I didn't quite understand when she couldn't go outside anymore, but I'd sit at the foot of her bed and color with her special colored pencils that she kept for me in her closet. Eventually she was gone. Even after her death, we would go regularly to that home to visit with g-ma's friends, help serve dinner, or sing and dance for their entertainment. We stopped going when the staff changed and they were no longer friendly to our presence.

I cared for the other grandmother while attending university. My cousin was there too, we'd trade off bathing her and cooking her meals. She was quite vibrant up until her death. Nothing really stopped her, she just stopped breathing. Didn't want assistance with breathing, so that was that. I spoke with her on the telephone the morning before she passed. Her death affected me so much. I was crushed, it seemed to come out of the blue. There was no extended period of intense care, no foul stench, no listless shriveled face or thinning body. It didn't seem to compute.

Death is a process. I won't mess with mine.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy