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Abaya,
it's a shame that something which I imagine used to give you personal joy, as you put it, now is a great cause of grief to you.
Things do change...and we change also. It's okay if you don't feel that this is what you want to do anymore. But it's a tough step to take, I'm sure. Because, after that, what are you left with? I'm sure that crosses your mind. Perhaps you've put yourself on hold for so long that you no longer know what you like. I've felt that way...and still do, often.
For me, I'd find it hard to quit something I'd invested so much in. Even if it did drag on for a while longer, I'd finish it, see it out. In fact I did just that in Art School, for all five years of the degree. I felt that it hadn't beat me...I'd taken it down. I had to take a break after that...and hated art for a while. But now I'm being drawn back into it...and it feels good.
Surely your passion is not dead entirely? If you feel it is...and think that not even time will heal that rift...then possibly there is something else out there better suited to you and to making you happy. It's always worth trying other things...you never know. I have many friends who eventually turned off the expected path and did other things which made them much happier.
I also have to say that you're being very negative about the PhD, even if you don't want to finish it, surely the only way to use it is not as a professor or an academic. There are practical applications...I doubt it would be useless. I don't see how it would be better to be in management or having a normal life...it's your life, nothing else. I also think that if you have stuck with it for so long, it's because you don't want to give up, not like this.
About the subject of the dissertation...can it not be adapted? Changed? Can we help you in any way? I'd be happy to if there was any small way I could.
You see...I'm a quitter. Or, I am, often enough to think that. But then sometimes I'm strong. And I always feel better when I saw it through. This doesn't mean to say that I think you should stick with this, no matter what...but the fact that you're asking us here, means that maybe you wish you could find a way...or I am getting you wrong?
If you want me to tell you it's okay to quit, I think it is. If you feel that you will be alright despite that, and I'm sure you would be, then it's definitely okay. Sometimes, you just need to move on.
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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.
Fernando Pessoa, 1918
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