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I think possibly we're all cringing...
and unsure what to say. Because most of us have felt this insecurity with guys before.
I know how you feel abaya. I have been there. Not married, but in the same dilemma of thinking "why should this even matter?" yet knowing it does... and the more I thought about it, the more it was hurtful and made me sick.
I think this is mostly true in young couples. I don't see why it should be quite as relevant as it seems to currently be.
All I can say is how I'd feel if it was turned around. What if my partner gained weight and was unable to lose it straight away, or ever?
Ok, context is of some importance here. Though when I like someone, I like them, full stop. Nobody's perfect...some people will turn you on more, visually, than others. I do think that once you get to know someone well, it's the whole package that grabs you, and makes you want them more completely. For example, you could have two identical twins and one could be your boyfriend but it's clear which one will turn you on most...the one who knows you and that you know best. The one who makes you laugh and can't keep his hands off you. The one who you can talk to for hours on end and seems to know your thoughts.
So if this amazing guy I was into, gained a little weight, I wouldn't hold it against him, I'm sure. I'm not talking suddenly obese...though it could happen. I still have a hard time thinking I'd drop the guy just for that. I'd more likely break up over personality changes or changes in personal goals than I would over appearance. Because bodies change...men's also of course.
I know myself...when I like someone, it takes a lot for me to go off them so strongly - usually the deal breaker is if they are causing me harm. When I feel a strong connection with someone, I want them to be happy, and hope they feel that I'm there for them when they need me. I am willing to be totally supportive as I hope they will be of me. It really isn't as hard as people make it out to be. You just need to be a little less self-centered.
Ialso think if a partner is feeling frail, or depressed, or does not have the strength to achieve a particular goal at a particular phase of their life, that I'm willing to accept them as they are anyway. Relationships take effort...but I think that just because someone doesn't do x or y bcause you expect them to should automatically mean that they don't care enough for the relationship to be meaningful to them. I hate it when people assume that.
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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.
Fernando Pessoa, 1918
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