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Some of the items on the "problems" list can be classified as emotional abuse. I'm saying this as someone who's been there (and has a far longer and brutal list, and who didn't have anywhere near as good a "good" list).
If you can't find help for the both of you, you should find it for yourself. Don't waste your time away, for that is my own biggest regret. Either way, it sounds like she needs help at least. If you have enough to salvage, you can very well work this through together, but you've got to get some shit out in the open. Don't hide things away, and don't let her do the same--it will destroy the relationship.
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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön
Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot
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