I think only the first one qualifies anyway, since Darwin Awards are given to those who improve the gene pool by removing themselves from it. If an individual doesn't die or render themselves incapable of procreating, they don't get one.
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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said
- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame
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