Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

BogeyDope · 05-12-2008, 11:07 AM

So, as a full time college student and a part time employee of the state of California, I'm often pressed for time in choosing classes, which leaves me with a lot of night classes [from 8-10 PM]. Well this quarter, I once again had a night class. I tend to be a somewhat open and friendly person, and so the first day of class I talked to a few people and got to know them. I met this girl whom I thought was cool, and who had similar career/academic goals as me, so I started talking to her more. It got to the point where I would walk her to her car after nearly every class [the class meets two days a week].

Well, three weeks went by of talking to her when she failed to show up to class for a week. I was curious as to what happened, but I figured she probably switched into a different class or dropped. She showed up to class three weeks later though, her eyes red as though she had been crying. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that her mother had gotten breast cancer for the second time, and that she's been missing school to take care of her brother and has failed her midterms etc. I felt bad, so I attempted to sympathize [As wrong as it sounds, I don't have the capability to produce negative feelings easily, which makes me hard to sympathize with others in times of crisis. I tend to understand that life is just tough, you have to suck it up and move on]. Well, I walked her to her car again when she asked if I wanted to go out for dinner with her on a said date. I didn't know how to respond, so I said sure.

The thing here is that I am in a relationship with a person whom I care deeply for. After she asked me, I realized that my actions may have been too friendly, and that I think I have been giving her the wrong signs.

What do the wonderful members of TFP think? Should I go through with this with the risk of her finding out I'm taken when she's already distressed and risk her killing me? Should I turn her down [if so, how]? Am I a jerk? I ask this not because I am afraid of the women whom I am in a relationship now with, but I fear putting more undue stress of the girl whom I've been talking to [who has enough to cry about right now].

tl;dr I think I misled a girl who asked me out and I don't know what to do

05-12-2008, 11:07 AM	#1 (permalink)
BogeyDope Crazy	This one's for you ladies [and men...] So, as a full time college student and a part time employee of the state of California, I'm often pressed for time in choosing classes, which leaves me with a lot of night classes [from 8-10 PM]. Well this quarter, I once again had a night class. I tend to be a somewhat open and friendly person, and so the first day of class I talked to a few people and got to know them. I met this girl whom I thought was cool, and who had similar career/academic goals as me, so I started talking to her more. It got to the point where I would walk her to her car after nearly every class [the class meets two days a week]. Well, three weeks went by of talking to her when she failed to show up to class for a week. I was curious as to what happened, but I figured she probably switched into a different class or dropped. She showed up to class three weeks later though, her eyes red as though she had been crying. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that her mother had gotten breast cancer for the second time, and that she's been missing school to take care of her brother and has failed her midterms etc. I felt bad, so I attempted to sympathize [As wrong as it sounds, I don't have the capability to produce negative feelings easily, which makes me hard to sympathize with others in times of crisis. I tend to understand that life is just tough, you have to suck it up and move on]. Well, I walked her to her car again when she asked if I wanted to go out for dinner with her on a said date. I didn't know how to respond, so I said sure. The thing here is that I am in a relationship with a person whom I care deeply for. After she asked me, I realized that my actions may have been too friendly, and that I think I have been giving her the wrong signs. What do the wonderful members of TFP think? Should I go through with this with the risk of her finding out I'm taken when she's already distressed and risk her killing me? Should I turn her down [if so, how]? Am I a jerk? I ask this not because I am afraid of the women whom I am in a relationship now with, but I fear putting more undue stress of the girl whom I've been talking to [who has enough to cry about right now]. tl;dr I think I misled a girl who asked me out and I don't know what to do __________________ Focus. Control. Conviction. Resolve. A true ace lacks none of these attributes. Nothing can deter you from the task at hand except your own fears. This is your sky.