Uh oh, hope it doesn't devolve into a bike thread.
re: no bike shops: I'm loath to recommend it but there is a website called bikesdirect.com I've heard really bad things about customer service but the prices are REALLY tempting. I've never ordered anything from them, caveat emptor. I've been lusting over a trek fixie they have for something like $200.
There is also
http://www.performancebike.com/ the prices are higher but I've actually had a CS issue with them and can give their service a rousing thumbs up. Others have had negative experiences so YMMV.
Here is a list of bike fit calculators:
http://www.cyclemetrics.com/Pages/Fi..._fit_links.htm I have no idea how well they work, I ride all used bikes so I just get on the thing and see if it fits
re: hills and single speed: I feel your pain, sister. I live in CO and I sold my cruiser for that exact reason. I could get away with it now that I live in Lakewood for short trips but gears are good. A stronger cyclist could use one around here pretty well but I'm flabby and out of shape.
re: bike thieves: Scum of the earth. I feel for people who have to keep their bikes outside. I just bring mine in the house. It's leaning right over there. Sure, it's not too neat for the house but I like my bike so looking at it isn't an imposition. Be wary of U-Locks, they are not created equal, buy a good one. I don't understand vandalism and never have. Why would someone stomp a bike's wheels? (or rip the antenna off a car or break a window or...or...or...) Assholes.
edit: oh yeah! Some people put Huffy or Magna decals on their nice bikes, I don't know if bike thieves actually know what to look for or if they just steal via brand name.