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AKR · 04-14-2008, 08:21 PM

Okay, your guys end-times one is terrible. Let me elaborate.

Ahem.

REPENT, SINNERS!

The threat: The Rapture, the TRibulations, and Armaggedon

What is it: The final judgement.

What will happen: It all starts with the rapture. You will have no warning of when this will happen, no clue whatsoever. Every faithful christian will me swept away to heaven before death, leaving our sorry asses to face the consequences of out hedonistic indulgences, like pancakes. Soon after, we will have the antichrist show up. he will be a charismatic figure, able to sway people to do his bidding at will. He will be forced into power against his will. Still not convinced? The jews will rebuild the temple of jerusalem, where the islamic holy site currently stands. THEN you know we're screwed. From here, we will have a 1 1/2 years of false peace. prep time. after that, the antichrist will show his true colors and start branding people with his mark. 7 years of hell on earth, and then the final battle between good and evil, armageddon, happens. The devil is wiped out, and christ will come again for 1000 years of peace. then humanity is taken to heave, and the earth is plunged into darkness.

What you can do: Once the rapture happens, theres no do-overs. Now, all you can do is start being a good christian and hope something kills you, so you can go to heaven. use this 1 1/2 years to prepare some form of shelter that will protect you from being located in the event of some kind of sweep. The beast will begin to place his mark on all people. You must not accept this mark, or else you'll burn in hell. No exceptions. Stockpile arms to fight for the army of the lord in the final battle. Do NOT kill yourself, or else you'll burn in hell. Preferably, move to somewhere highly dangerous, like somalia, and get yourself killed. Home free. Just make sure you repent your ass off before you go. Do not, under any circumstances, deny the lord.

Danger: Extremely high. As we all know, the middle east is becoming increasingly unstable. Evangelism is on the rise in the Sttates, and currently, the main religion denying the Saviour (islam) is the fastest growing religion on the planet. Clearly, the antichrist will come soon, and all sinners will be judged soon after. Many believe that the large locusts described in revelations can be compared with todays military helicopters, and the fire rising from the ground could be nuclear war. Ronald Reagan thought that it was coming soon, and if he's trippin', you should be too.

Further reading: Revelations, Various authors
Left Behind Series, Tim Lahaye

04-14-2008, 08:21 PM	#36 (permalink)
AKR Upright	Okay, your guys end-times one is terrible. Let me elaborate. Ahem. REPENT, SINNERS! The threat: The Rapture, the TRibulations, and Armaggedon What is it: The final judgement. What will happen: It all starts with the rapture. You will have no warning of when this will happen, no clue whatsoever. Every faithful christian will me swept away to heaven before death, leaving our sorry asses to face the consequences of out hedonistic indulgences, like pancakes. Soon after, we will have the antichrist show up. he will be a charismatic figure, able to sway people to do his bidding at will. He will be forced into power against his will. Still not convinced? The jews will rebuild the temple of jerusalem, where the islamic holy site currently stands. THEN you know we're screwed. From here, we will have a 1 1/2 years of false peace. prep time. after that, the antichrist will show his true colors and start branding people with his mark. 7 years of hell on earth, and then the final battle between good and evil, armageddon, happens. The devil is wiped out, and christ will come again for 1000 years of peace. then humanity is taken to heave, and the earth is plunged into darkness. What you can do: Once the rapture happens, theres no do-overs. Now, all you can do is start being a good christian and hope something kills you, so you can go to heaven. use this 1 1/2 years to prepare some form of shelter that will protect you from being located in the event of some kind of sweep. The beast will begin to place his mark on all people. You must not accept this mark, or else you'll burn in hell. No exceptions. Stockpile arms to fight for the army of the lord in the final battle. Do NOT kill yourself, or else you'll burn in hell. Preferably, move to somewhere highly dangerous, like somalia, and get yourself killed. Home free. Just make sure you repent your ass off before you go. Do not, under any circumstances, deny the lord. Danger: Extremely high. As we all know, the middle east is becoming increasingly unstable. Evangelism is on the rise in the Sttates, and currently, the main religion denying the Saviour (islam) is the fastest growing religion on the planet. Clearly, the antichrist will come soon, and all sinners will be judged soon after. Many believe that the large locusts described in revelations can be compared with todays military helicopters, and the fire rising from the ground could be nuclear war. Ronald Reagan thought that it was coming soon, and if he's trippin', you should be too. Further reading: Revelations, Various authors Left Behind Series, Tim Lahaye Last edited by AKR; 04-14-2008 at 08:22 PM.. Reason: Automerged Doublepost