starburst

((Note I have condensed Sweetpea's remarks)
Sincere thanks to all of you for offering such heartfelt concern and advice to me. I am deeply touched by your genuine concern for my well-being. All have focused on offering support and encouragement and not on the fact, some of the details might be titillating.

Another matter you all address with such a unified voice is that my husband is emotionally and psychologically manipulating me. Reading the thoughts of other women, who enjoy various levels of “rough sex”, some even able to enjoy and tolerate more severe pain than myself, but yet saying, “I should control the limits imposed on me and not exceed them.

The other point that finally registered with me was “Sweetpea’s” warning that this is borderline rape. If I honestly evaluate his conduct, the conclusion must be that his thrill is forcing me to sexually submit against my will. Yes Sweetpea, it is borderline rape and when I allow myself to be pushed to my ultimate limit, it will become violent spousal rape. That will provide him with his ultimate sexual thrill.

He refuses to seek counseling or professional help. His contention is that because of my strict religious upbringing, I secretly desire to be forced (his term) or raped (my term) because that absolves me of any guilt related to engaging in “non-missionary position sex” (his term). That is not true; I enjoy sex and like expanding my horizons, but like most people find certain practices distasteful.

For the past month I have only occasionally had sex with him and then only to relieve his sexual frustration and to keep from creating an atmosphere that I was using sex as a weapon. Despite great psychological pressure and occasional physical persuasion, I have not succumbed to his demands to resume his variety of rough sex. I periodically satisfy his physical latent urges, but thus far have refused to resume normal sexual relations until we fully discuss and agree on a mutually satisfying and loving relationship.

This past weekend we had a very unpleasant confrontation. Several times during the day, he mentioned how he missed the real intimacy we once had and how he has longed to again really “make love to me”. I found that somewhat encouraging, but that evening, as I prepared for bed, he removed the largest of four glass dildos we have from the night table and began lubricating it. It is the only one my vagina has never been able to accept. I grabbed my nightgown and went to the guest bedroom. He demanded I immediately come to bed. A bitter argument ensued and I accused him of being a latent rapist intent on provoking me to resist his outrageous demands, so he could violently rape me.

Needless to say, the verbal fight resolved nothing and I spent the night alone with the warning that I would dial 911, if he came near me. Things have been very strained the past two days and I have indicated my intent to leave, if healing does not occur by the end of this month.

While the situation is difficult, it must be resolved; I have allowed it to continue much too long. Fortunately, I have not been hurt physically, but he has deeply damaged me emotionally and psychologically. I will apprise you of what develops. I will remain firm in my resolve and again express my deep gratitude for your support and concern.