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Originally Posted by starburst
Am I endangering myself or should I concentrate on enabling myself to withstand his growing desires?
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for myself... I enjoy rough sex, when in the mood and with my husband who I trust, with plenty of lube and a safe word if it gets past the point either of us want it to.
Now onto you Starburst.... sweetheart....
this is more bordering on rape than sex.
Do let us know how your talk with him goes! I am proud of your for putting yourself and your safety first by talking about this with him.
had you tried telling him No in the past?
the fact that his appetite for this kind of forced sex where he can watch your face in tears and your pain is increasing is extemely concerning to me. and i imagine is to you too. Thank you for trusting us to share this here.
If it was me, I would be highly concerned about being with someone who enjoyed causing me so much pain, when I was not really a willing partner...
I would suggest you two see a couseler. Does your husband have a history of sexual abuse? was he abused?
Wishing to see that kind of pain when it is not a mutual thing, when it is not something both partners want to do is more borderline rape than sex.
I am sorry if I have been too forceful in my opinions, I don't want to scare you, but his behavior towards you is not normal (outside of a dom/sub relationship, which both parties agree to, and even then, there are safe words) and is disturbing, I am highly concerned for your safety and mental well being.
I would encourage you to speak to a professional about this, if you feel up to that...
http://www.live-counselor.com/profes...g/?banid=14805 here is a good resource.
thank you so much for sharing this with us and for trusting us to give input
hope your talk with him goes well.
sweetpea
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Originally Posted by starburst
I spoke with him last night and he says that he would really stop, if he feels he is seriously hurting me. He refuses to use a "safe word" because allowing me to decide would remove the element of my being helpless and his controlling and dominating me. I find it sexually exciting and extremely gratifying except fpr the tears.
I love him very much and he treats me as an equal in all other aspects of our marriage, but strongly feels my limits must be extended to keep our sex exciting. If I had conrol, he feels, I would not reach my full potential. He lavishly praises my ability to excite him and continues smoothering my body with kisses after climaxing.
I want so bad to please him and the exhilarating feeling of totally being dominated, but have anxieties. Are my anxieties goung to destroy an otherwise very good relationship?
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sorry, did not see this post here...
your 'anxieties' are your instricts to protect yourself from a dangerous situation....
Reach your full potential? to experience pain? What does he want you to do? pass out from the pain?
I know you wish to please him... but this sounds seriously like he is manipulating you.
That fact that he doesn't wish to use a safe word... means that he is into the fantasy of rape... very dangerous.
try talking to him again... tell him you want to use a safe word.
I am very concerned for you. This sounds like a very dangerous situation both emotionally and physically for you....
I would suggest you two talk about this allot more. Get to the bottom of why he feels like is exciting and if he keeps escalating it... where will it end?.....
sweetpea