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i did alot of stuff when i was younger that i am glad i did when i was younger but wouldn't do now--but i don't know if if i would know not to do those things unless i had done those things when and how i did those things. like lsd. i just dont know if that is a thing i would do now mostly because it doesn't seem necessary but that may be because i did that thing before and so now i know about that thing. there are many such things. much of the time i spent doing those things and other related things that may or may not have been enabled by those things was probably wasted in some sense at least from a viewpoint of maximized overall efficiency but then the viewpoint of maximized overall efficiency only applies to refrigerators and other fuel burning mechanical devices. i am glad that i am not as stupid as i was when i was younger, at least not in the same way as when i was younger because now i get to be stupid in new and improved ways and in that context my past of being stupid in other ways is something i can review in my head like watching the jerry springer show and say well that was stupid but at least it wasn't stupid in that way. so i feel like there's been movement, though it is possible that this movement has been lateral. i do not object to lateral movement, i just was under the impression that we tended to march purposefully forward figuring things out progressively and eventually reaching the moment at which all seems clear, which is also the point at which we die. if that is true, then i will likely live forever and the name roachboy will acquire a new meaning. that is what i think.
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a gramophone its corrugated trumpet silver handle
spinning dog. such faithfulness it hear
it make you sick.
-kamau brathwaite
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