You could bleach the hair I suppose, I've never tried it myself, but I know some people do it, and like the results.
To get rid of ingrowns, grab a body buff and scrub scrub scrub...then when you get out of the shower pat dry and put on some ingrown hair treatment lotion...men after shave lotions usually work well for this. I order
this product. Though it seems pricey, the bottle should last a good while. I've had mine for almost a year now, and I'm not even half way through it.
If that's too much work, I've heard this trick before: apply an astringent with salicylic acid over the area with a cotton swab. Apparently that releases the hairs.
Hmmm, maybe applying a tanner wouldn't make the hairs look so dark? I'm not sure about that one. All I know is, when I'm very pale, even my blondest hairs look a little dark, but when I tan, they're barely noticeable.
As for self esteem, keep working on it sweetie. It takes time to love your body, flaws and all. Just know that if he really cares about you, something like this won't even phase him. I'll betcha that if you get the confidence to love your body, and let him see you like that, he'll be completely attracted to your confidence, and never notice. ^_^