cmc

Hey - Whyodiver33 -- I want to say this -- about 4 years ago - I was in a committed relationship - in which my partner - seemed to have great difficulty in being 'intimate' at times. We talked and I learned her dad had abused her. It felt kinda creepy for making it an 'issue' when I learned that - But - and here is the weird part - in a way - it did not bother her ... I started couple therapy and she would just go apeshit in the counselors office -- making up stuff between us - and avoiding talking about her Dad at all. We WORKED on it for about 4 months -- and she then refused to go, and also started going out to bars at night -- something I did not understand and did not like.

To my knowledge she never hooked up - but basically it was easier for her to hit a club, dance and drink and talk to strangers ( I guess because they didn't talk about the uncomfortable memories of messed up dad ?) - but it affected me , because when I would invite her to go clubbing w/ me - she'd say she was too tired and like go to sleep on a Fri night at like 7 pm ? Next night on Sat if I was in town - same thing. If I was not there - hell she'd head out at say 11 pm and stay out till 3-4 am ... I kept confronting her - and then I finally said I would not date her until we made some progress - in counseling, out of counseling -- wherever. It never happened. When I finally pulled the plug - she went into a dark funk that was pitiful to watch - but what was I to do ?

We are friends now - she shortly after ( 6 months) we stopped, started seeing an old guy ( dad like older ) and they married and then in about 4 months after their wedding - was caught having an affair - with / another guy. She said then, and still says now that our breaking up was like her life was over -- and then her now ex-husbands affair w/ a guy - was so hard for her. She even said - she could have dealt w that if it had only been a girl ? I'm not sure why - when I think of Her having an affair w/ another guy or girl -- I'd be disappointed if it was a guy and I'd pay tickets prices to watch if it was a girl - seriously.

The bottom line - for me it was fuzzy - like you state, but when I got quiet and was honest w/ myself - I knew I wanted, desired and deserved to be in a relationship that I enjoyed - w/o major thoughts about what I did not like in my partner. Hell - who am I to judge, for some other guy - her being that way may be the best thing since birth control and when needed, Viagra. Good luck --

P.S - you can LOVE her / without being in love w/ her. My ex GF - thinks I am one of the best people on the planet.

PPS -- I refuse to be in situations w/ her where being physically intimate could happen. As most of us know - male or female - it's a lot easier getting in than it is getting out, and if one KNOWS they are not it for big time and that the other person is most like HOPING it is big time - well - I just can't touch that and look my self in the mirror in the morning. Finally - PRAYER for me gave me literal miracles. I am convinced it will do the same for you. Peace !