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That is a much better characterization, and gives us more of Bill as a person. We see:
-Bill loves the Mariners (central theme of the piece)
-Bill has a bit of a temper ("He doesn’t like it when the Mariners lose, and he shows it.")
-Bill is in a management position in his company and probably a bit older (he has employees and a secretary)
-Bill is devoted to his family (shares his day with them, prizes the old state championship ball above his Mariners memorabilia)
-Bill misses his children
There's a lot more here now than Mariners fan. Do you see how that makes him a more complete character? Contrast that with the piece in your first post, where all Bill really has going for him is 'Mariners.'
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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said
- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame
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