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Originally Posted by ratbastid
I guess he was survived by his son, right? So you can't give us the emotional turning point I expected when you put the son's ball in his collection--I thought sure you were heading toward the son's death.
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Originally Posted by ratbastid
Why did his pro career end? What were his aspirations there? What did he do with himself once he quit playing baseball? Does he secretly weep while listening to the Mariners games with his office door closed?
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Originally Posted by ratbastid
I'd touch on his age or empty-nesterness in the first paragraph. "Sports Fan" feels 20-something. How can you put some gray hairs on him in the first paragraph? You know, plant a gun that you can fire in the last few sentences. One way would be to have them be employees instead of coworkers. That reads older. You could have his secretary seated outside his door smile to herself at of the noises from the old man's office.
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You tell stories to children around campfires, don't you?
Kinder Interview
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