abaya

Yeah, but this is also taking the whole idea out of context. It's not about the BF asking you to do him, because he wants to do it... that's not what I mean.

First, the applicability of what I'm saying would require several things in a situation: your BF to *want* to have anal sex in the first place; then it would require you NOT wanting to have anal sex (I have no problem with women who want to have it, and don't think the guy needs to reciprocate, btw!--that's a totally different situation). If that is the situation, then we move on to the next step. If your relationship has nothing to do with anal, or both people are into it at the same time, then it doesn't apply here.

Next, you would have to be the type of person who might be persuaded into trying it, but only if someone else goes first... a not uncommon way of exploring things sexually, at least as far as I know. Seeing as there are usually only two people in most relationships, and both people have the same body part/orifice in question, well... there isn't a lot of room on who that "someone else" might be. So if he decides, "Well, okay... how about if I try it first, then we'll see how you feel about it?"... then comes the next step:

Either you decide that the whole idea turns you off (no matter what he offers), or you decide that that was a nice gesture on his part, and that it therefore makes you more willing/curious about the whole thing, so you go from there. If the whole idea turns you off, then that's the end of the conversation, and anal sex just won't happen in your relationship. Nothing wrong with that. If you decide it's a nice gesture and it makes you more willing to share that part of yourself if he is also sharing his with you, then you try anal sex and see how it goes.

Some might like it, some still might not, and that's really just fine! But to me the important thing is going through this sexual exploration/decision-making process together (whether you do it or not, whether you like it or not)... that's the part that builds trust and intimacy, to me. It's not being scared away by one word or idea that the other person suggests (e.g. the "EXIT ONLY!!!" declaration), but to delve into it, see how it might be accommodated, see how to better trust and know each other... that's the whole point for me. I just dislike any reaction based on fear, when it comes to sexual desires/fantasies. I encourage both people to at least entertain the idea of what their partner wants to do/doesn't want to do, and to work from there to see how those needs can be met.

It's not about tit-for-tat, in my mind. I've been trying to explain it, maybe I've failed... but for me it's about trust and exploration together. Maybe because for ktspktsp and I, we're all we've got, and possibly all we're gonna get. No previous experiences, and at the moment no possibility of other experiences with other people (though we are both open to that process of evaluating our boundaries as well, if that time comes), so we negotiate these things together. I hope this makes sense. For us, it's about the long-haul, and always finding new aspects of our sexual compatibility.

Hopefully, after this both Ustwo and pig can understand that we're on the same page, here. I wholly agree with this statement:

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran