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Originally Posted by abaya
So what's the problem, then? If you don't want to have anal with any girl, and any girl that you're with doesn't want to have anal with you (giving or receiving), then why so much fuss about the issue? You know your boundaries, and you aren't demanding women to change theirs in a hypocritical manner. No problem, as far as I can tell.
My beef with the issue happens when when a man wants to do anal to a woman (and the woman is resistant to doing it--key point), but is completely NOT open to even the idea of seeing how it feels for him to receive it, often to the point of some kind of homophobia (e.g. fear of himself turning gay if he even considers the idea rationally). There is no consideration of whether such reciprocation might contribute to building mutual understanding and vulnerability into the relationship, or helping the woman to trust him more with giving him back-door access, etc. It's just the straight-up , "I want your ass, but NO WAY IN HELL are you going near mine! Exit only!!! etc etc." that bothers me so much.
It stands in stark contrast with a more gentle approach, which would be, "I'd like to try anal with you," (and if girl resists the idea) "Okay, would it make you feel better about doing it, if I let you try it on me first?" I don't see any problem with that statement, nor does it make the man "gay" or anywhere near it. Makes the man damn compassionate and attractive, if you ask me.  |
I guess I don't subscribe to the notion of sexual reciprocity. There's really no problem, per say...I don't think. You and I have different perspectives on this issue, so we discuss them, etc - I suppose the same reason any of us discuss anything on these crazy green boards. I understand that in your relationship, when it came time for the anal sex discussion, having
ktspktsp experience what you were going to undertake/intake helped you to feel comfortable. Not that my opinion matters on that particular issue, but I see no problems with that. It's more of the statement that in general, that's the way it should be. More men should feel comfortable with that, and if they aren't comfortable with that, then they should give up on the whole anal sex thing. I just don't think it's that simple; people are different, and what one person is comfortable with, another will not be. As always, it comes back to good communication within the relationship, but I don't think that means that a guy shouldn't be able to express his desire to have anal sex with his girlfriend, unless he's willing to have her give him anal sex - as a blanket statement. If that's your personal position to help engender trust or acceptance, then I think that's a different issue. Maybe it's a technique that would work for more men who might want to have anal sex with a hesitant chick, but I don't think it's a maxim for all occasions, or that it will work for everyone.