Martian, that's what I did with the second scene. I tried to imagine how much "more" of a Mariners fan he can be and what interesting habits he would have as a Mariners fan. So I added his "unique" habit of collecting signature baseballs from Mariners.
Ratbastid, I really wasn't going for his son's death. I was thinking of ending on a sappy note. But if I were to end it wit his son's death would that help make the character more rounded? You know...even though he's a hardcore Mariners fan...his son still comes before the Mariners? And thanks for pointing out the difference in the tone. I'll keep that in mind when I do my revision.
I feel like there's more room to work on scene 2 to make Bill a more rounded character so I think I'm sticking to that. As for scene 1, do you think I should tone it down a little? I don't know where to start though...
__________________
Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.
|