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I, too kicked ass before being born. Back in those dark ages, there was no ultrasound, no prenatal testing or any of those conveniences. As mom was in labor, her water broke and meconium was seen. This is a sure sign of imminent danger as meconium is an infants first official dump and it being done before birth could mean Meconium Aspiration-death by shit. As she was being prepped and nurses quietly panicked, it was further revealed that I was breach. "Oops, she's dead", they figured. Wrong!! Came out ass first, legs up over my ears (which earned me a nickname because I spent the next year with one leg always up in the air), but perfectly healthy.
Yea, this kid was badassed in more ways than one...
Fast forward about 19 years, this ass-backwards girl is now working in a convenience store. It's Sunday night, close to closing and two guys walk in, ask for a pack of cigs from the case behind me. As I turned, a knife is poked into my back with those cliched words, "This is a stick-up." (No, ,really, they said that!) I dropped the cigs, said "Oh, shit!" and they took me into the back. One held the knife on me as the other cleaned out the cash register. Mr. Clean came back, wondered aloud what to do with me, because I "might scream." "I ain't gonna scream," I replied. "Just take what you came for and get the hell out." Oh, yea, badass crime victim. Until they left, then I was a shaking, stuttering baby on the phone to the police, giving the robbers' description as "short, blonde, good looking and the other big blonde and goofy looking." Two laughing cops came in. "Goofy looking???" BUt they concurred, I was badass. I didn't get dead.
Badass quote: "That's not desperation, that's arrogance." Said to my boss when he tried to explain why I was still on the schedule after I'd asked to be taken off. Funny, I was never called back in to work....
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