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Old 02-11-2008, 11:12 PM   #5 (permalink)
Martian
Young Crumudgeon
 
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Location: Canada
As the Flyman will tell you, I don't hold back when I'm asked for my opinion. Here goes:

First off, you need to list Radiohead either under 'influences' or 'sounds like.' this is very much a track Thom Yorke would sing.

The bass needs to come forward in the mix a bit more. your rhythm section (which typically consists of bass and drums, although those aren't necessarily the only instruments that go there) provide the foundation. You want to build a strong house, you need a good foundation. Bringing out the bass and guitar slightly and backing the vocals off a bit will give the whole tune a more solid and consistent sound. At the first vocal overdub, you need to lower the volume on the dubbed tracks a little bit, or at least give them a slight fade. They kind of jump out. A compressor might be helpful in smoothing out the inconsistencies in volume.

The song ends very abruptly and feels unfinished. This could be regarded as a stylistic choice, but you may find that an instrumental outro allows you to close out the song a bit more smoothly.

Good use of stereo. Balancing the elements properly across the stereo channels is what gives a song that 'live' feeling.

Overall it's a good track. It just needs a bit of polishing, mostly in the mixing. Mixing a track properly is one of those things that comes with a lot of practice and a lot more references (ie listening to tons of other music to get a feel for how the instruments should fit together). You have a good rock/pop voice and you did very well in not overextending yourself vocally (although, as creepysusie pointed out, you may want to explore a bit more vocally; that's up to you, as you know your own capabilities as a singer and what you want to convey stylistically). If you've got a John Lennon-esque falsetto, then by all means use it. If you don't, don't try. It sounds horrible when someone who can't do that properly makes the attempt.
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