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This is almost entirely up to the relationship between yourself, your spouse to be (hopefully), your parents, and their parents (let’s be honest there are others than can and will squeeze in here like friends and siblings depending on situation).
The diplomatic answer is that every couple needs to find the right answer for themselves.
Some think it's a barbaric tradition, some think it's a sign of respect, hell I'm sure there are even some who are living the accused barbaric tradition. it's not important on the global scale of things.
What does matter is that you look at the situation at hand and do what you think is right. It sounds like the OP knows damn well this is expected of him (regardless of pleasantries and word choice) and I say good for him.
While I am not married and have never proposed I think that this fits into the general “learning that people have to fit together” process. My last ex would have been completely distraught had I even considered speaking to her father (perhaps for her the mother is the better party anyhow). It really would have severed and cauterized us. My current girlfriend would be similarly distraught if I was to propose to her without appealing to familial and friendly permission (her parents are deceased [and I won’t get the familial permission, but I have to have tried]). It isn’t about people being property or not in either case, the first girl is worried about proving her adulthood and independence, and the second is much more mature (coincidence, not implication) and views it as a sign of respect. Needless to say I am a much better match to the current girl (hence the use of the word current and the harsh treatment of my ex).
And damn you for the use of the phrase hoopy frood, now I will forever read the book as being
“Hey you sass that hoopy Ustwo, theres a frood who really knows where his tonic is”
I swear I typed towel but tonic came out, I hope you like gin and tonic or is it jynnon t’ahnnix?
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