Greetings TFPers, I recently have begun serious deliberations with myself on nailing down details of the when/where/how of I intend to propose to my current girlfriend, we've been together a bit over two years, have lived together for the past 4-5 months and I think we're in a place where it not only makes sense, but is something I really, really want to do. One small problem: I haven't discussed any of this with her dad yet (asked his permission). Now I realize this might not be a big thing in most of the country anymore, but we come from two very small towns in pensyl-tuckey and it most certainly is a very big deal around here. I have several thoughts on the dilemma and I'm not entirely sure which one to go with, and you all are the largest and most reasonable(mostly
) group of people I know.
Firstly, I think that perhaps I should just ask him for his permission, in the stereotypical, admittedly patriarchal, way most of us would be familiar with. It is outdated, but it's tradition and 'just the way it's done'. This raises a couple concerns that I have with this line of thought, first and foremost, it is outdated. He doesn't own her, and has no right to give or deny permission. That's all good in theory, but in practice it doesn't matter, if it's something they expect, and I don't ask...well lets just say I've heard about other engagements broken off when the father finds out after the bride to be. So, in this (and many other things) there is a clear difference between theory and practice. Not only that, I don't think it's really an acceptable thing to do anymore (asking permission) as it goes against my sense of right and wrong, and what does that say about me, being a person caving on something I believe in just to make her dad happy? Of course, then I also have to ask 'what does it say about me not willing to cave on a belief of mine, that really isn't that important to to me in order to make her happy?'
This is not to say the only two options are asking or not asking for literal permission, but perhaps something like his blessing, or approval, would be an alternative. It would not be a deal breaker, but could be somewhat of a pleasing middle ground and it would let me know where I stand and his thoughts on the matter. Not only that, he and my gf are very, very close and it would be extremely important to her that he be happy for us. I don't know that it would be a deal breaker for her either. As close as they are, he knows as well as I do, she is going to do what she thinks is best no matter what anyone else thinks.
So, TFP, what are your thoughts?