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Pig: Your last post reminded me of a couple I knew (when they were together). They had an open relationship, lived a thousand miles apart, she already had 2 kids from a previous partner, pretty young... and the current boyfriend made it VERY CLEAR that he never wanted to have kids with her. He had a hard enough time being around the kids she already had, from another man, complained about them constantly.
It turns out (I heard later) that she got pregnant twice with him, and got abortions both times... and he never heard about it, and he still doesn't know. She knew that he never wanted to have children with her, and she already had enough on her hands (and only saw him a few times a year, anyway)... so that was her justification, I guess. Now, WHY they weren't more careful with their BC, I don't know (they are both very intelligent people, but not very practical, I guess).
And WHY she didn't tell him, I don't know. I disagree with her/their personal ethics on several levels, but what can I say. If I had been in her shoes, I most definitely would have told the guy, even if he wanted to abort them ASAP anyway. But that's just me. I know the guy, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't give a damn that she got abortions without his knowledge... he would just be glad that he doesn't have to be responsible for those kids. He would probably be proud of her for not breaking down and telling him, actually... he really HATED the idea of having kids.
Anyway, so I don't know how common this is, but it happens. Do I think the guy should have been told? Yes, I do... and personally, I would have told him. Do I think there should be a law FORCING the woman to tell him? I don't know about that. This thread hasn't convinced me of anything yet. Yes, it was rude of her not to tell him, but I still don't see a real pressing need.
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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran
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