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Willravel · 01-26-2008, 12:06 AM

WARNING: SPOILERS

Okay, before I start I need to explain something. Rambo had a threesome one night that resulted in two pregnancies: Jack Bauer's and Chuck Norris's.

So here's how it starts out: adult contemporary guitar music. "WTF?" you're wondering. Don't worry, Rambo is just distracting you while he kills all the asians in the lobby with a steak knife that's longer than my arm, extended. But don't worry, apparently they're really bad asians, like Commies or something. That rape people.

So what's Rambo up to now that he's in his 60s? Oh, he's just catching the most dangerous snakes on the planet with his gigantic bare hands. I think it's what he does for therapy. And knife money.

What now? Christian missionaries want to help in the most dangerous civil war in history? And they want John "I Killed a Helicopter with a Rock Once" Rambo to take them on his surprisingly mundane boat? No way. Not unless a hot chick asks, at least.

Ah, a relaxing boat ride, with not a care in the world. Cept for those pirates with guns. Yes, pirates come with guns now. "I don't want any trouble," says our hero before blowing away three of them before they can say "Ackabaka" or whatever language they're speaking. John Rambo has found a new way to shock missionaries.

I won't give away the rest, but let's just say that Rambo destroys a large percentage of Burma with only one claymore mine and manages to set several world records for violence in a movie before getting to use a giant gun. At 60 years old. He also seems to have a big brother program running for future Rambos, which is nice.

It exceeded my expectations, so I'm giving it an 11/10 so far as expectations and an 8.7/10.

01-26-2008, 12:06 AM	#3 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	WARNING: SPOILERS Okay, before I start I need to explain something. Rambo had a threesome one night that resulted in two pregnancies: Jack Bauer's and Chuck Norris's. So here's how it starts out: adult contemporary guitar music. "WTF?" you're wondering. Don't worry, Rambo is just distracting you while he kills all the asians in the lobby with a steak knife that's longer than my arm, extended. But don't worry, apparently they're really bad asians, like Commies or something. That rape people. So what's Rambo up to now that he's in his 60s? Oh, he's just catching the most dangerous snakes on the planet with his gigantic bare hands. I think it's what he does for therapy. And knife money. What now? Christian missionaries want to help in the most dangerous civil war in history? And they want John "I Killed a Helicopter with a Rock Once" Rambo to take them on his surprisingly mundane boat? No way. Not unless a hot chick asks, at least. Ah, a relaxing boat ride, with not a care in the world. Cept for those pirates with guns. Yes, pirates come with guns now. "I don't want any trouble," says our hero before blowing away three of them before they can say "Ackabaka" or whatever language they're speaking. John Rambo has found a new way to shock missionaries. I won't give away the rest, but let's just say that Rambo destroys a large percentage of Burma with only one claymore mine and manages to set several world records for violence in a movie before getting to use a giant gun. At 60 years old. He also seems to have a big brother program running for future Rambos, which is nice. It exceeded my expectations, so I'm giving it an 11/10 so far as expectations and an 8.7/10.