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you shouldn't delude yourself into thinking that this is acceptable behavior or that it's all your fault. your friend's position is pure bullshit. if i've been out a few times with a girl, and i invite her to a party, then she's hands off to my buddies.
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I've never viewed women as property to "claim", whether by "finders keepers" rules or not. I wouldn't expect my friends to back off a girl I was interested in, because I have no stake in it, no 'claim' to her as my property. Frankly, I think a position of "finder's keepers" or a 'back down' agreement is the "bullshit."
I think the best man will always win, and I'm confident enough to say that if a girl went with a friend then he offered her something that I didn't. That's good, because I'd hate to waste my time who would've been better pleased by someone else. Find someone who appreciates what you come to the table with, and likes it better than what your buddy brings. Don't blame him for bringing something better to the table.