Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Marriage and calling it quits after 16 years??

ticket · 01-13-2008, 09:05 AM

What it all comes down to is what is going to make you happy, or less unhappy.
If you continue in the marriage, you will come home to a lazy wife and a dirty house. If you divorce, you will come home to a clean, and very lonely home. Getting a divorce has very wide spread implications on the lives of you, your wife, and your kids. You did not touch on anything other than her laziness. In my case (divorced after 25 years), she had already "checked out" on the marriage, and on our family. Your wife is just lazy, and from what you say she always has been. Your level of tolerance has changed. Do you still love her? Does she still love you? These are very relevant questions you did not address. You have lots of things to consider. Do your children think you have a happy home? Are they tired of hearing you come home and fight with her about being lazy and not cleaning the house. What does your wife think about the two of you getting divorced? Would she agree to an uncontested divorce? Would she allow you to have custody? The financial implications are an entirely different and painful subject, but you did not mention any concern about that.

For me personally, my ex's behavior justified the divorce, and I tried everything I could to help her get herself together, and my kids know I tried, and they tried to help her as well. It was very important to me that my kids understood that I did all I could to preserve the marriage. Two of my kids were over 18, and I knew with her lifestyle, it would only be a matter of time before she allowed me to have custody of my 15 year old without fighting me in court, and it only took 5 months for her to realize that. So in a matter of 6 months, she was out on her own (granted, with a big pile of money...), I still had my house, and my kids, and there is no alimony in my state if she makes any money at all.

All that being said....it still sucks. There are many things to think about before completely giving up, and a clean house isn't everything. Do you two still love each other?

01-13-2008, 09:05 AM	#51 (permalink)
ticket Upright Location: Texas	What it all comes down to is what is going to make you happy, or less unhappy. If you continue in the marriage, you will come home to a lazy wife and a dirty house. If you divorce, you will come home to a clean, and very lonely home. Getting a divorce has very wide spread implications on the lives of you, your wife, and your kids. You did not touch on anything other than her laziness. In my case (divorced after 25 years), she had already "checked out" on the marriage, and on our family. Your wife is just lazy, and from what you say she always has been. Your level of tolerance has changed. Do you still love her? Does she still love you? These are very relevant questions you did not address. You have lots of things to consider. Do your children think you have a happy home? Are they tired of hearing you come home and fight with her about being lazy and not cleaning the house. What does your wife think about the two of you getting divorced? Would she agree to an uncontested divorce? Would she allow you to have custody? The financial implications are an entirely different and painful subject, but you did not mention any concern about that. For me personally, my ex's behavior justified the divorce, and I tried everything I could to help her get herself together, and my kids know I tried, and they tried to help her as well. It was very important to me that my kids understood that I did all I could to preserve the marriage. Two of my kids were over 18, and I knew with her lifestyle, it would only be a matter of time before she allowed me to have custody of my 15 year old without fighting me in court, and it only took 5 months for her to realize that. So in a matter of 6 months, she was out on her own (granted, with a big pile of money...), I still had my house, and my kids, and there is no alimony in my state if she makes any money at all. All that being said....it still sucks. There are many things to think about before completely giving up, and a clean house isn't everything. Do you two still love each other?