I would say your first step is speaking with a good divorce lawyer and seeing how you can lose as little as possible, with 4 kids all of dependent ages thats going to be difficult to work out.
As for the real question though, from what you presented it sounds bad. Obviously no one knows enough about it to give you real advice on how to get her motivated. There have been times where my wife goes into 'lazy' mode for several months, especially right after having a child and the hormones are screwed to hell, but this sounds like a deeper issue for you and what worked on my wife is going to be different for you.
Not to play Dr. Phil and give you bad pop psychology psychobabble, but it sounds like she never grew up, it went from her parents to you being her parent.
How to fix this I have no idea. My first thought is to let thing start to go to hell, do only the minimum and see how she reacts. I'd have done that a long time ago, letting the trash, the dishes, everything pile up.
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