Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Marriage and calling it quits after 16 years??

invalidiuser · 01-10-2008, 06:40 AM

Looking to see if I can have other people point of view on the situation that I am in. I am at the point where I have just thrown down the flag and given up after 16 years of trying and giving my all.

Info on us. We have been married for 16 years now. We got married when we were young due to being immature and dumb at the time. I am 30 and she is 29. We have four kids ages 15, 13, 9 and 5. Throughout our whole 16 year marriage, me and my kids have been the ones doing everything as far as cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc….

I work full time and will also be going back to finish my Masters degree. I pay all the bills, help with all the chores around the house along with my kids. During the period before she started going back to school a year ago, she never pitched in any help unless she sees me to the point that I am very angry at her. If I ask her nicely to do anything, it will just come to the point of her saying “ I will do it later, I will do it later and it ends up never getting done”. I think she must get a kick out of it to see that I am angry and the she will then finally help out for a day. But then the next day, she is back to herself as if watching a movie or just sitting around letting life past by as if there is nothing important to do around the house.

I have tried for the past 16 years to try and change her bad habits and just be more responsible as far as taking care of the kids, cooking for the kids and help clean around the house. Tried the nice way of communicating what she needs to do, should do, issues as to why its not getting done, and what can I or the kids do to also motivate her. Any problems that she may have. Tried the bad guy way and even at the time of rage, said that for her to just leave because we are at a point where we are probably not meant to be together. Both went to counsel to maybe reconcile our differences. But, nothing seems to be working. I guess its like they say “After so many years of trying to help and change someone and they never do, they will never change.”

The things that she does around the house is lounge, watch TV, movies and non productive things while I am at work. I get home and just hate having to keep reminding her that things need to be done around the house and watching a movie is not going to clean it. Now that she is also going back to school, she still does the same thing and wait till the last three or four hours of it being due, the she would finally start working on it. It just seems like she has no care in the world and understanding. Counseling does not help, communication does not help, threat of leaving does not help? What else is there but to do the ultimatum and just call it quits now?

Basiclly what it comes down to is that she is a lazy person and after 16 years of trying to change her lazy ways, nothing is working. I am just tired of give, give, and never receive any help back.
Do you feel also that after 16 years of marriage and if a person is still how they are, that they will never be able to change.

01-10-2008, 06:40 AM	#1 (permalink)
invalidiuser Upright	Marriage and calling it quits after 16 years?? Looking to see if I can have other people point of view on the situation that I am in. I am at the point where I have just thrown down the flag and given up after 16 years of trying and giving my all. Info on us. We have been married for 16 years now. We got married when we were young due to being immature and dumb at the time. I am 30 and she is 29. We have four kids ages 15, 13, 9 and 5. Throughout our whole 16 year marriage, me and my kids have been the ones doing everything as far as cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc…. I work full time and will also be going back to finish my Masters degree. I pay all the bills, help with all the chores around the house along with my kids. During the period before she started going back to school a year ago, she never pitched in any help unless she sees me to the point that I am very angry at her. If I ask her nicely to do anything, it will just come to the point of her saying “ I will do it later, I will do it later and it ends up never getting done”. I think she must get a kick out of it to see that I am angry and the she will then finally help out for a day. But then the next day, she is back to herself as if watching a movie or just sitting around letting life past by as if there is nothing important to do around the house. I have tried for the past 16 years to try and change her bad habits and just be more responsible as far as taking care of the kids, cooking for the kids and help clean around the house. Tried the nice way of communicating what she needs to do, should do, issues as to why its not getting done, and what can I or the kids do to also motivate her. Any problems that she may have. Tried the bad guy way and even at the time of rage, said that for her to just leave because we are at a point where we are probably not meant to be together. Both went to counsel to maybe reconcile our differences. But, nothing seems to be working. I guess its like they say “After so many years of trying to help and change someone and they never do, they will never change.” The things that she does around the house is lounge, watch TV, movies and non productive things while I am at work. I get home and just hate having to keep reminding her that things need to be done around the house and watching a movie is not going to clean it. Now that she is also going back to school, she still does the same thing and wait till the last three or four hours of it being due, the she would finally start working on it. It just seems like she has no care in the world and understanding. Counseling does not help, communication does not help, threat of leaving does not help? What else is there but to do the ultimatum and just call it quits now? Basiclly what it comes down to is that she is a lazy person and after 16 years of trying to change her lazy ways, nothing is working. I am just tired of give, give, and never receive any help back. Do you feel also that after 16 years of marriage and if a person is still how they are, that they will never be able to change.