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Get a map of London.
Do not stay anywhere south of the river - that's suburbia.
Do not stay anywhere north of Camden/Highgate - that's tower-block land.
Do not stay anywhere east of Greenwich (pronounced Gren-itch) - that's full of Arabs and Albanians.
West you can go about as far as Kensington, unless you are Australian or South African - then you are required by international treaty to live in Earl's Court.
Your waiters will be Polish.
Nobody actually LIVES in central London - it's tourists and students.
The British Museum is stunning (and free). Kensington museums have already been mentioned (and they're all free).
Bankside Power Station (now Tate Modern) is a fabulous gallery and a great experience. Guess what? It's free.
Take the Tube everywhere - get a travel card for all zones for the duration of your stay - it lets you ride all underground trains (even those that don't go underground), and busses.
Take a black cab at least once, but be aware that they're costly. They're regulated fares though, so you'll not be ripped off.
Do not get in a minicab (looks like a private car) - they are unregulated and uninsured.
Brits don't hate Americans. Brits hate rude pushy arseholes. Sadly many of the rude pushy arseholes we meet are Americans. Prove us wrong.
Learn some English.
Sidewalk's do not exist. Neither do diapers, attorneys, and so on.
A bum is for sitting on.
A fanny is not what you thought it was.
Be polite.
Ask questions.
Listen.
Enjoy.
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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
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